This Valentines Day, skip the Hallmark card. Skip the fancy dinner. Skip the flowers.
Do something really wild this V-day.
Fulfill your each other’s deepest sexual longings.
I know that’s a bold statement. But the research shows that's what couples really want anyway. Check out these findings from a 2015 study conducted by Good in Bed researchers:
- Nearly 85% of respondents believe that having sex is an important part of Valentine's Day.
- Over 55% of respondents indicated they were willing to try something new sexually because it's Valentine's Day.
- Over 60% of respondents will be disappointed if they don't have sex on Valentine's Day.
So…what’s the secret to satisfying sex on this day (and every day) in a committed partnership?
That’s the question I’ve been asking myself in my research on what successful couples do best. After consulting some of my favorite sources, including John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity, Ian Kerner's Passionista, as well as many others, I've found that it all comes down to four essential skills. Here they are:
Skill #1 - Conversation: Sexually satisfied lovers don’t rely on their partner to intuit their needs. They have a language for comfortably talking about sexual longings and preferences on a regular basis.
Skill #2 - Confidence: These couples are confident as lovers. They take personal responsibility for their own pleasure. They also have a deep awareness of their "love maps," or their subconscious blueprints of erotic desire.
Skill #3 - Connection: Epic lovers don’t believe that hot sex only happens when it’s spontaneous. They are intentional about creating sexual experiences together and know that connection comes in many forms.
Skill #4 - Creativity: Lastly, these couples play well together. They tap into the sexy power of their imagination to awaken new sources of pleasure. They aren’t afraid of what their partner may think of their secret fantasies. They share them openly to explore deeper layers of intimacy.
So what is stopping you from becoming epic lovers?
I know. It’s not so easy to cultivate these skills on your own. We get used to routine. We have our “go-to meals” when it comes to sex and serve them up regularly, because we know they get the job done.
It’s also pretty difficult to find down-to-earth information on how to become great lovers for each other.
Living in San Francisco, there are lots of opportunities to pick up ingredients for your meals, but there's not a lot out there on how to become chefs in the bedroom.
This Valentines Day, I invite you to take your lovemaking up a notch. One way to do this is by opening up a sexy dialogue about your desires.
To help you along, I’ve created free "Secrets for Lovers" Valentine's Day cards for you. Here's how to use them:
- Download and print out the 2-page pdf.
- Fold each page twice down the middle.
- Give one card to your lover and one to yourself.
- Fill out the 5 sentence completions in the card.
- Exchange the cards at the opportune moment.
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the conversations that will open up as a result of these cards.
The sentence completions enable you to take a pulse on the state of your desires. They can be used on a regular basis to check in and reveal longings with each other that may be hiding under the surface.
Here's to a fun Valentine's weekend!!!